Looking up....

Just wanted to update and say that I made it to the gym this morning for the first time in I don't know how long...a while! It's so easy to get out of the habit. I was reading something talking about forming habits. The guy was saying that rather than trying to keep up with which day you did something, you should just do it EVERY DAY. He was speaking of many things like reading the Bible, exercising, watching your food, etc. I can see how this might be valuable to me if I could just learn how to do a little bit EVERY DAY towards my overall goal. Don't know why it's so incredibly hard for me. I guess it's not just me. It's hard for everyone. And I know I just have to buck up and MAKE GOOD CHOICES!! It's just like how my sister has to tell my little 4 year-old nephew, "Make good choices!" Great...I'm still like a 4year-old!

Yes, I'm still here. No, I'm not in good spirits.

Yes, I'm still here. No, I didn't weigh in. No, I didn't do well this week. Yes, it's my dreaded "time of the month". No, this didn't have much bearing on my decision to weigh or not to weigh. Yes, I'm feeling like my head is not in the game. Yes, I wonder if I'm ever going to lose this stupid weight. Yes, I still wonder when someone else is going to somehow come and take care of it for me. Yes, I still wonder if it's possible to eat what I want, not workout and still lose weight. Yes, I know the answer to that question is NO!!! Yes, I'll get back on the wagon. When? I don't know. But, I will because I have to.

Weigh-In Wednesday...Come back wagon, I fell off!!

I weighed on Wednesday, but then forgot to post. Probably because I wasn't too excited about the report. I did lose one pound, and yes, that is a loss! And yes, I am grateful to at least be moving in the right direction. I guess I just expected more after having done so well and not seeing (hardly) any results last week. But, I know this is gonna be slow.

I've done pretty well with the no-cokes. In fact, I hung in there strong until last night. Went out to celebrate my husband's B-day. I drank water at dinner. But then we went bowling, and they brought a whole pitcher of Pepsi to our table. I got hot and thirsty, and I just couldn't resist. Oh yeah, and I also had just eaten a big hunk of chocolate cake, which made me thirsty! The sad part was, it (the Pepsi) didn't even taste good. That's probably good, though, because hopefully I won't be sucked in again like that! So, I'm back on track today.

We have started the process of moving this past week. We've been doing a ton of lifting, dragging, painting, cleaning, etc. So even though I didn't hardly make it to the gym, I definitely still exercised!!

Oh yeah, and I wanted to report on the lab work that I had done last week. It came back excellent actually! But, I was later informed that you can be the tiniest person in the world and still have horrible cholesterol. So, it's not much related to weight. But, I'm thankful that even though I am overweight, I do have great cholesterol...one less battle to fight, right?!

We'll see what this next week holds...
Thanks for hanging in her with me!

Weigh-In Wednesday

My first thought when I stepped on the scale this morning and it read only a few ounces less than 225 was, "WHAT THE HECK!!!" I mean, really? I've been going to the gym AND I've not had one single coke, regular or diet. So what's the deal?

This leads to my second thought...there have been several days now when I thought, "Well, I'm not having cokes and I'm going to the gym, so maybe this little cookie (pizza, bread, etc.) won't hurt." Not so much! So are we saying that I'm going to have to stop cokes, go to the gym AND watch what I eat to lose weight? What a pain in the butt!

Well, I've two of those three things down. The no cokes has been way harder than I thought...not because I've been craving them so badly, but because of the BAD headaches! I've been surprised by that because I didn't think I was that reliant on Cokes. Guess that wasn't the case, huh? Thankfully, the headaches have stopped. I'm having a little iced-tea which helps with that. And yes, I am making it to the gym and working out pretty hard.

Surely next week, I'll see a loss? Especially if I do a little better saying "NO" to all the other things that I want to fill the place of Cokes. There's just nothing easy about this...uphill battle all the way.

I went to the doctor this morning for my "annual" and had some labwork done. When I get the results of my cholesterol, etc., I'll post it on here because I want to be able to compare it next year and see if it's better. That will be fun! Gotta look for the fun in this somehow, right?

Also measurements! I've gotta take my measurements so I can keep track of them as well. Will try and do that soon! Thanks for your continued support and encouragement. I'm feeling pretty good. Not too discouraged about the lack of weightloss because I know I'm moving in the right direction and a few more little changes will show results on the scale and in the clothes! Keepin on keepin on!

Weigh-In Wednesday...aka A Christmas Miracle

It truly is a miracle, everyone! I weigh 225 today. Yes, that is the same that I started at 20+ weeks ago, but if you knew all the "fun" that I ate during the holidays, you would realize that it's nothing short of amazing that I didn't gain like 10 pounds. That is what I was expecting when I went to face the scale this morning for the first time in ages. I think God just knew that if there was any further discouragement, I might not be able to recover from it and turn myself around! So, today I am THRILLED with 225. Thrilled. There's a sentence I never thought I'd say!

I'm doing well this week so far. Amazingly, my heart does still beat even without Cokes! I really thought they were a lifeline! I have had a couple of headaches, but nothing too terrible. We've bought stock in Crystal Light. Doug is doing well too because they make fresh tea at his office each morning, and they they have an excellent ice machine! So, we're surviving!

Didn't make it to the gym this morning, but will go this afternoon. Cooking dinner tonight, and making lunches for tomorrow...so we're getting into a good little pattern here.

Thanks for all of the love, support and encouragement! It means so much to me, and is such an incredible help to my journey. Love you all...

Okay, let's give this another go...

So it seems that the process of weightloss and lifestyle change is a rollercoaster...not exactly the fast-track that I had hoped for. I have spent the last few weeks having a pity-party over the fact that I've made no progress at all and that I've had no desire to remedy that.

Well, the pity-party is over. And hopefully the other party that has included me indulging myself and continuing to walk the wayward path is also over. I've never been much for New Year's Resolutions. It seems sort of silly to me that we pick one day to say we're suddenly going to make all of these changes in our lives. But, I decided to take it for what it is...an opportunity to REFOCUS my mind! We humans are all about new-beginnings and second chances (and third and fourth and twenty-fifth chances), and I'm definitely human!

So, I did make a resolution that hopefully will jumpstart my progress in losing weight. As of today (yes, I know...it's the 5th...we needed to flounder a little longer) Doug and I have both given up Cokes. He is so sweet to do this with me. When I asked if he'd be interested in giving them up, his response was, "Well, I don't see how it will be possible for you to quit them if I'm drinking them all the time...so yes, I'll do it." It should be noted that while he is sweet, this will be a very good change for him too! It seems that he's gotten a little more round in the middle, which I know drives him crazy, so this will be good!

Now when I say Cokes, I don't mean that it's okay for us to drink a Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. Here in Texas, we call everything Coke...so no Cokes...period. This includes Diet Cokes because it sounds to me like they're holding us back just as much as regular Coke. Now to some, this sounds like no big deal. To me (and to Doug) this will be more like losing a limb. I have heard, though, that making this change can truly help the process. So, we're doing it. We're not "trying" it. We're doing it...quitting Cokes I mean! :)

I also returned to the gym this morning for the early workout...walked for an hour. Sort of felt like I was going to die at first, but once I got into it, and especially when I was finished, I felt better. My plan is to do this at the very least, four days a week, but I know to really lose weight, it will probably have to be more like 5-6 days a week. I'm just focusing on today for now though. And I did it today! :)

I'm still really not sure what needs to happen in the way of food. Early on, you know I took the position that I wasn't going to be "dieting", and I'm still not. I know for a fact that I don't do well on plans like Weight Watchers. I don't have a problem with snacking or eating between meals at all. I've targeted the main problems with my eating as follows: #1 My portions are WAY TO BIG, #2 I eat out WAY TOO MUCH, #3 I hardly ever get fruits and veggies into my diet, just to name a few.
So, I've devised a grocery list and a plan for meals to cook at home this week. I think if I can just get myself into a pattern or eating at home, and seeing restaurants as a special treat rather than a way of life, I (we) would do so much better.

So, there you have it...a plan. Now, if I can just follow it! :)

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh!

Still here. Didn't quit...exactly. However, I have not worked out in days, and I'm pretty sure that I'm working on an extra layer of "warmth" this holiday season. Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!
I wish I could explain how terribly terrible this is! I totally agree with my Mom when she tells me how much worse it could be. I could have problems so much worse than being overweight. So, please know that I have not lost sight of that truth. However, uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!
In the very paraphrased words of the apostle Paul, "What I do, I don't want to do, and what I want to do, I don't do." I wonder if Paul had a weight problem. You know, they never really do tell us what that "thorn in his flesh" was. I think he might have been fat. Just a guess. I so relate with that guy. What I do (eat too much), I really don't ultimately want to do. And what I want to do (get with the program and get the weight off), I don't do. Again I say,
Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!! I just can't seem to get ahold of myself. And it's terrible. And you want to know what the worst part of it is? NOBODY besides ME can do this for me!!! Why is that such a hard concept for me to accept? I just don't know. So, I don't know what to say. I'm not gonna weigh in because I just can't face it right now. I can't. I'm sorry. And I know it would make sense to weigh and see the damage, and get back on the wagon, or whatever. But I just can't do it today. Maybe tomorrow. Just wanted you to know that I'm still here...and even though more energy is going into worrying about the problem than facing and dealing with the problem...I'm still willing to put myself out there. So hopefully that means I'm still not a quitter?

Starting Over Folks...

Yes, I know it's Thursday. Just couldn't face it yesterday. So today I faced the music. Sad to report that I'm back where I started. Gained 2 this week, putting me back at 225. Feeling like a failure? Yes. Ready to quit? Yes. Gonna quit? HECK NO! I'm starting over. Have made it back to the gym this week which is good. Just gotta get back on the horse...
I have a friend online who is a wonderful inspiration to me! She has lost 47 lbs. Hope that's right Melisa...got that number off your blog. Anyway, she's done AMAZINGLY well and I'm so impressed and proud of her. On her blog, she wrote about a new motivator...having her husband be able to pick her up again! I LOVE THIS! I want Doug to be able to pick me up without hurting himself. And I want to feel good about sitting down on his lap/knee. Right now, I'm afraid it might result in a need for surgery!
Anyway, thank you dear friends for your constant support and encouragement. I will say that this is absolutely the worst time of the year to try to lose weight. But if I'm honest...there's NEVER a good time of year for it! Because no matter what, it involves sacrifice...whether it's the sacrifice of Thanksgiving stuffing, Christmas candy, July 4th hotdogs, etc...There's never an easy time. But, as my Mom says, it could be so much worse! I could have a health condition that I had no control over and no ability to change. So, I guess I need to be thankful that at this point, I do have the ability to change this. And I WILL!!!

A Thanksgiving Blessing

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

Truth Telling

I just wrote a whole post explaining to you all that I'm "taking a break" from the blog. When I reread it, only one word came to mind...COWARD. I just didn't want to have to tell you all that I gained...5...pounds. So, rather than telling you that, I wrote a post explaining how "I need time to think" and how "It's just too much pressure having to share it with the world." Well NO! I started this, and I promised to post and keep going EVEN WHEN the going got SUCKY. Well, it's sucky alright! But it's only sucky because I haven't even been TRYING. I just let life get the best of me. So my Mom hasn't been available to work out in the mornings with me? Well, I guess that means I get to QUIT! What????? No. I am alot of things, but I'm no quitter. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not gonna quit. I'll tell you that much. So, please keep pulling for me and praying for me! I gotta do this...I HAVE TO!

Weigh-In Wednesday...a little delayed

I'm still here folks! This week just got so nutty with the arrival of my new niece, Chloe, that I completely forgot to post on Wednesday. Of course, I was only going to be posting with one word anyway...Shamu. And in the mooeyist (is that a word?) kind of way! So, I'll catch up with ya next week when I hopefully will have continued on the path DOWN the scale, rather than UP it! :) Thanks to those of you who are still hanging in here with me. I appreciate you!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Things are looking up...or down actually! I lost 2 pounds this week. I hope I can keep going in the right direction. Thanks for your encouragement!

PS...Judy Smith, would you please email me at hollysteffensrud@yahoo.com and give me your email address! I don't have it and I want to email you, friend! Thanks!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, I actually did do more to TRY this past week. I made a decision to lay off french fries as much as possible. I am quite addicted to them it seems. But, I did well, only having them one time this week. I had hoped, given the fact that I have been having them much more than one time, that it would make some huge difference. The positive results didn't show up on the scale...still the same. No better, no worse.

But, my mindset was better this week. It seems like I've had more of a "can do" attitude...a "will do" attitude in fact. So, that's great. Oh yes, and I should tell you that someone said, "Hey I can tell you're losing some weight. I see it around your eyes." Just what ya want to hear, right? "Those sure are some slender EYES you have!" What the heck? Well, I guess I should be happy with the compliment. Hmmmm.

Trudging on...

TRY!

Webster's defines the word TRY in its verb form as....1. to attempt to do or accomplish as in "HOW ABOUT I TRY TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!"
So, it's Tuesday. I haven't been TRYING at all this week...even slept in several mornings instead of doing my usual gym routine.
But this morning, I think I'm actually going to give this a new TRY. Please pray for continued motivation...determination...all the good stuff I need to DO THIS! Your encouragement is a lifeline to me! Thank you!!!! Can't thank you enough!

Weigh-In Wednesday

No change...either up or down. I'm discouraged. And it's not the discouraged you feel when you've tried so hard and see no results. It's the discouragement that comes from NOT WANTING to do what's required to meet the goal. That's probably not altogether true of me because on many levels, I do want to and I know I can. But, I struggle so hard to be committed to this task. It's like the switched that needs to be flipped is stuck in the middle. I'm on the fence.

For a long time I looked at and studied the psychology of this overeating "issue". And while I became really annoyed by the "psyco-babble" of it all, I know that one thing is true. This is an issue of CONTROL. For some reason, I need to feel "in control" of something. And I am the one that controls what goes in my mouth. I know that throughout my life there have been many things that I had no control over. But this has always been one thing that I could control, and I guess there's some comfort in that. The problem, of course, is that I'm also the only one who can CHANGE it. I was sharing with a friend last night that I just keep waiting for someone to show up and fix this for me. I don't literally think that will happen, but I live as though I do.

My dad is someone that also struggles deeply with this issue, although he does not acknowledge it. He acts as though nothing is wrong. He continues to abuse his body with food, and now the effects seem irreversible. He's in his 60's and in TERRIBLE physical shape, and I know he's miserable. And I also know that if I don't turn myself around, I'm looking at a lifetime of struggle. Now why that doesn't SCARE me into action, I don't know. I'm just so stuck in "living for the moment". I want WHATEVER I want WHEN I want it. And I know that some of you have probably tuned out by now because you're annoyed that I won't just "get with it". Honestly, I think I would have tuned out by now if I were on your end of this because I have very little patience with other people who stay stuck in their own misery. Ironic huh?

Well, if you're praying for me I would ask that you pray for the following things:
1. Pray that my desire to change things would be bigger than my desire for momentary satisfaction.
2. Pray that I will listen to the little voice within me that tries so hard to steer me the other direction when I'm about to make poor choices regarding food.

Thank you, dear friends. I know many of you (unlike me) are patient and long-suffering. Somehow, you manage to stick by me week after week as I choose to stay stuck. Well, I hope that I make the choice to NOT BE STUCK ANYMORE very soon. I love you for being by my side. Thank you!

So weak...

So, I got this idea to try changing ONE thing I like to eat that's bad for me. The plan was not to give that food up altogether, but just to be "on a break" with it for a little while. So, I chose french fries. I love french fries. They are part of several of my favorite meals. I made this decision last Thursday. Don't even ask me how many times I've had french fries since Thursday. It's like my rebellious nature caught wind that I might actually be up to something that would HELP me. Uggggg.

Weigh-In Wednesday

So, I'm starting to get bored of losing a pound and gaining a pound...losing, gaining, staying in the same place. Maybe if I actually tried to lose weight, I would lose it. That's right folks, I'm not really trying. Oops. I mean yes, I am making it to they gym at 5:30 am 5 days a week. And I'm not drinking regular coke on a regular basis (a splash here and there). But like I said in my first post, I want to eat less and move more. Well, I've got the move more part down. The eating less...not so much. And contrary to my past experiences of attempted weight loss, the WHAT I eat seems to be much more of a problem than the HOW MUCH. By that I mean that I'm struggling to eat the right things most every day.

How did I do this week? Well, I lost a pound. And that's great. Would rather lose one than gain one. But would really rather know that my head AND my heart are in this, and I just can't tell you that they honestly are right now. I'm hoping to muster up some more motivation for this next week. For those who are sticking by for this less than eventful journey (up to this point), thank you!

Weigh-In Wednesday aka "Ooops, I did it again..."

Yeah, I went to New York City and it was a total gluttony fest. Do you want the bad news or the good news first? The good news is that I didn't gain ALL 6 pounds that I had lost back. The bad news is that I did gain 2 of them back. Hey look, I'm back at 221 AGAIN. Are you starting to think that I'm NEVER going to get past the first 6 pounds because I'm starting to think so! I will say, though, that 2 pounds is pretty gracious given that I ate SO MUCH AMAZING food for FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT!!! I guess all of the walking in NYC does pay off. It wasn't quite enough to overcome the Magnolia Bakery cupcakes I'm afraid. But who cares! Those are the best cupcakes KNOWN to humankind, and I got to eat them...several of them...yes, I said several. We had the best trip ever, and if I had to have a setback, I'll take it!

The trick now is getting back on the wagon! I hate the wagon. And I hate getting back on it. But, I did drag myself to the gym this morning. I did not, however, eat well AT ALL today. I think I thought I was still in New York. Tomorrow is a new day, though. And I have decided that I'm going to TRY HARDER and DO BETTER.

For those of you who are still with me on this journey, thank you!! I know it's getting pretty annoying watching me gain and lose the same pound for weeks in a row with no real movement forward. What you need to know is that I am in a battle with my will, and that is such a tough one to win. I am strong-willed! And I want my way. Most all of the time. What a big baby I am.

Tomorrow, I'm going to deny myself something that I want. I don't know what it will be yet because I'm not there in that moment when the thing (whatever it may be) comes whispering my name, pleading, begging for me to eat it! I'm not going to. I'll let you know how this turns out. I know you're probably thinking this sounds completely ridiculous. But if you think about it long enough, I'm sure you can come up with something in your own life that you struggle to say NO to...mine just happens to be a stupid Hostess cupcake that I don't even want. Yes, I ate a Hostess cupcake today trying to fill my desire for another one of those dang Magnolia Bakery cupcakes. It did not measure up. It just called to me, and I answered because that's what I do. Because that's what I've always done. And this my friends is where the CHANGE has to occur. And it feels like an uphill battle ALL THE FREAKIN' WAY!!! Because it is. But I will succeed. I have to. I've got life to live and new clothes to wear and airplane seats to fit more comfortably into! :) Don't give up on me. More importantly, pray that I don't give up on myself! Thanks...

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

Well, at least I can report that I'm moving in the right direction again! I lost the pound I gained two weeks ago, putting me back at 219. Folks, I know this is a slow, slow process. I sort of envisioned that I would get started and weight would just fall off. Here we are 7 weeks in and only 6 pounds down. But it occurred to me this week that there is no END in sight. This is a lifestyle change. This is a process of learning new behaviors and sticking to them. So, I guess I can't rush the process. And let's face it...had I not started this process, I'd most likely be 6 pounds HEAVIER right now!!

I am very pleased to tell you that I was able to buy a size smaller jeans this week. I suppose my 5am workouts are paying off, even if it's not showing so much in the numbers on the scale! I suppose given a choice, I would rather see it in the way my clothes fit than in numbers on a scale!

As always, I thank you for your support, prayers, emails during the week, etc. I couldn't ask for a better group of cheer-leaders!

We are headed to New York City this weekend to attend my sweet friend, Leighanne's, wedding. It should be a great time...lots of walking, but also lots of good food. Hopefully the walking will overpower the food!!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, Shamu is in town again. I did, however, go ahead and weigh. I know, I know...I said I wasn't gonna. And I still reserve the right to NOT if I don't wanna. But, I just felt sort of light and airy all the sudden...not too bloated. So, I jumped on a gave it a whirl! I was happy to see that I had stayed the same. Still right at 220. Hopefully, we'll see a good lose next week! Love you all for thinking of me and checking in on me! Thanks!!!