Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, I actually did do more to TRY this past week. I made a decision to lay off french fries as much as possible. I am quite addicted to them it seems. But, I did well, only having them one time this week. I had hoped, given the fact that I have been having them much more than one time, that it would make some huge difference. The positive results didn't show up on the scale...still the same. No better, no worse.

But, my mindset was better this week. It seems like I've had more of a "can do" attitude...a "will do" attitude in fact. So, that's great. Oh yes, and I should tell you that someone said, "Hey I can tell you're losing some weight. I see it around your eyes." Just what ya want to hear, right? "Those sure are some slender EYES you have!" What the heck? Well, I guess I should be happy with the compliment. Hmmmm.

Trudging on...

TRY!

Webster's defines the word TRY in its verb form as....1. to attempt to do or accomplish as in "HOW ABOUT I TRY TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!"
So, it's Tuesday. I haven't been TRYING at all this week...even slept in several mornings instead of doing my usual gym routine.
But this morning, I think I'm actually going to give this a new TRY. Please pray for continued motivation...determination...all the good stuff I need to DO THIS! Your encouragement is a lifeline to me! Thank you!!!! Can't thank you enough!

Weigh-In Wednesday

No change...either up or down. I'm discouraged. And it's not the discouraged you feel when you've tried so hard and see no results. It's the discouragement that comes from NOT WANTING to do what's required to meet the goal. That's probably not altogether true of me because on many levels, I do want to and I know I can. But, I struggle so hard to be committed to this task. It's like the switched that needs to be flipped is stuck in the middle. I'm on the fence.

For a long time I looked at and studied the psychology of this overeating "issue". And while I became really annoyed by the "psyco-babble" of it all, I know that one thing is true. This is an issue of CONTROL. For some reason, I need to feel "in control" of something. And I am the one that controls what goes in my mouth. I know that throughout my life there have been many things that I had no control over. But this has always been one thing that I could control, and I guess there's some comfort in that. The problem, of course, is that I'm also the only one who can CHANGE it. I was sharing with a friend last night that I just keep waiting for someone to show up and fix this for me. I don't literally think that will happen, but I live as though I do.

My dad is someone that also struggles deeply with this issue, although he does not acknowledge it. He acts as though nothing is wrong. He continues to abuse his body with food, and now the effects seem irreversible. He's in his 60's and in TERRIBLE physical shape, and I know he's miserable. And I also know that if I don't turn myself around, I'm looking at a lifetime of struggle. Now why that doesn't SCARE me into action, I don't know. I'm just so stuck in "living for the moment". I want WHATEVER I want WHEN I want it. And I know that some of you have probably tuned out by now because you're annoyed that I won't just "get with it". Honestly, I think I would have tuned out by now if I were on your end of this because I have very little patience with other people who stay stuck in their own misery. Ironic huh?

Well, if you're praying for me I would ask that you pray for the following things:
1. Pray that my desire to change things would be bigger than my desire for momentary satisfaction.
2. Pray that I will listen to the little voice within me that tries so hard to steer me the other direction when I'm about to make poor choices regarding food.

Thank you, dear friends. I know many of you (unlike me) are patient and long-suffering. Somehow, you manage to stick by me week after week as I choose to stay stuck. Well, I hope that I make the choice to NOT BE STUCK ANYMORE very soon. I love you for being by my side. Thank you!

So weak...

So, I got this idea to try changing ONE thing I like to eat that's bad for me. The plan was not to give that food up altogether, but just to be "on a break" with it for a little while. So, I chose french fries. I love french fries. They are part of several of my favorite meals. I made this decision last Thursday. Don't even ask me how many times I've had french fries since Thursday. It's like my rebellious nature caught wind that I might actually be up to something that would HELP me. Uggggg.

Weigh-In Wednesday

So, I'm starting to get bored of losing a pound and gaining a pound...losing, gaining, staying in the same place. Maybe if I actually tried to lose weight, I would lose it. That's right folks, I'm not really trying. Oops. I mean yes, I am making it to they gym at 5:30 am 5 days a week. And I'm not drinking regular coke on a regular basis (a splash here and there). But like I said in my first post, I want to eat less and move more. Well, I've got the move more part down. The eating less...not so much. And contrary to my past experiences of attempted weight loss, the WHAT I eat seems to be much more of a problem than the HOW MUCH. By that I mean that I'm struggling to eat the right things most every day.

How did I do this week? Well, I lost a pound. And that's great. Would rather lose one than gain one. But would really rather know that my head AND my heart are in this, and I just can't tell you that they honestly are right now. I'm hoping to muster up some more motivation for this next week. For those who are sticking by for this less than eventful journey (up to this point), thank you!

Weigh-In Wednesday aka "Ooops, I did it again..."

Yeah, I went to New York City and it was a total gluttony fest. Do you want the bad news or the good news first? The good news is that I didn't gain ALL 6 pounds that I had lost back. The bad news is that I did gain 2 of them back. Hey look, I'm back at 221 AGAIN. Are you starting to think that I'm NEVER going to get past the first 6 pounds because I'm starting to think so! I will say, though, that 2 pounds is pretty gracious given that I ate SO MUCH AMAZING food for FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT!!! I guess all of the walking in NYC does pay off. It wasn't quite enough to overcome the Magnolia Bakery cupcakes I'm afraid. But who cares! Those are the best cupcakes KNOWN to humankind, and I got to eat them...several of them...yes, I said several. We had the best trip ever, and if I had to have a setback, I'll take it!

The trick now is getting back on the wagon! I hate the wagon. And I hate getting back on it. But, I did drag myself to the gym this morning. I did not, however, eat well AT ALL today. I think I thought I was still in New York. Tomorrow is a new day, though. And I have decided that I'm going to TRY HARDER and DO BETTER.

For those of you who are still with me on this journey, thank you!! I know it's getting pretty annoying watching me gain and lose the same pound for weeks in a row with no real movement forward. What you need to know is that I am in a battle with my will, and that is such a tough one to win. I am strong-willed! And I want my way. Most all of the time. What a big baby I am.

Tomorrow, I'm going to deny myself something that I want. I don't know what it will be yet because I'm not there in that moment when the thing (whatever it may be) comes whispering my name, pleading, begging for me to eat it! I'm not going to. I'll let you know how this turns out. I know you're probably thinking this sounds completely ridiculous. But if you think about it long enough, I'm sure you can come up with something in your own life that you struggle to say NO to...mine just happens to be a stupid Hostess cupcake that I don't even want. Yes, I ate a Hostess cupcake today trying to fill my desire for another one of those dang Magnolia Bakery cupcakes. It did not measure up. It just called to me, and I answered because that's what I do. Because that's what I've always done. And this my friends is where the CHANGE has to occur. And it feels like an uphill battle ALL THE FREAKIN' WAY!!! Because it is. But I will succeed. I have to. I've got life to live and new clothes to wear and airplane seats to fit more comfortably into! :) Don't give up on me. More importantly, pray that I don't give up on myself! Thanks...