I still have some FIGHT left in me...

I went through a ton of pictures that I have stored in our computer earlier this week.  I didn't see even ONE picture of myself that I liked.  That made me feel sad...but motivated.  As tired as I thought I was of being overweight when I started this blog, I am WAY MORE tired now.  It just seems impossible to me that I'm still sitting here at 225 pounds.  I feel sick to my stomach when I think of all of the false starts, all of the times that I got going only to give up, all of the giving in, all of the "Well, just this bite won't hurt", all of the sitting back and LETTING food rule my life.  It just makes me want to fall down and cry my eyes out.  But I know that won't do me any good at all.  I've got MAJOR WORK to do.  And do you want to know why?  It's because I need to be in better health so that I can try to have a baby (or maybe a baby) next year! 

I've been motivated by many things in the past...having better health, looking good for me, looking good for my husband, feeling better, less aches and pains, wearing my smaller clothes, and the list goes on.  But THIS, my friends, the desire to have a baby, makes me want to get on that treadmill and not get off until next May!  It's not that I feel so happy or excited about the job ahead of me, and believe me, it IS A JOB TO LOSE WEIGHT.  No, I don't like it one bit! I've heard it said before, though, that continuing to do what you've always done and expecting different results is the definitition of insanity.  And that's what I've been living...insanity.

And I don't want to live this way anymore.  Allowing food to have control over me is not working out well.  It's robbing me in so many ways.  It steals my:
1.  peace.
2.  times of intimacy with my precious husband.
3.  desire to walk more closely with God.
4.  energy.
5.  desire to go out and have FUN!
6.  confidence.
7.  ....and so much more.

And it gives me in return:
1.  anxiety.
2.  insecurity.
3.  exhaustion.
4.  sadness.

I don't know how I'll do this.  Right now, it seems impossible, but I KNOW it's not.  So I just need for those of you who might read this post to pray for me.  When you see me, please know that I'm in the midst of a BATTLE, and that I need encouragement.  On my face, you will find a smile and laughter 97% of the time, but if you could see inside of me, you would know that I am terrified.  I'm terrified of DOING THIS (and by "this", I mean making changes that involve loosening my grip on the food which has been my comfort and solace for so long.  When I think it all the way through, though, I'm more terrified of NOT DOING THIS.

So when you think of me, please lift me up in your prayers. I'll be over here FIGHTING!!

Thank you so very much.