A Thanksgiving Blessing

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

Truth Telling

I just wrote a whole post explaining to you all that I'm "taking a break" from the blog. When I reread it, only one word came to mind...COWARD. I just didn't want to have to tell you all that I gained...5...pounds. So, rather than telling you that, I wrote a post explaining how "I need time to think" and how "It's just too much pressure having to share it with the world." Well NO! I started this, and I promised to post and keep going EVEN WHEN the going got SUCKY. Well, it's sucky alright! But it's only sucky because I haven't even been TRYING. I just let life get the best of me. So my Mom hasn't been available to work out in the mornings with me? Well, I guess that means I get to QUIT! What????? No. I am alot of things, but I'm no quitter. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not gonna quit. I'll tell you that much. So, please keep pulling for me and praying for me! I gotta do this...I HAVE TO!

Weigh-In Wednesday...a little delayed

I'm still here folks! This week just got so nutty with the arrival of my new niece, Chloe, that I completely forgot to post on Wednesday. Of course, I was only going to be posting with one word anyway...Shamu. And in the mooeyist (is that a word?) kind of way! So, I'll catch up with ya next week when I hopefully will have continued on the path DOWN the scale, rather than UP it! :) Thanks to those of you who are still hanging in here with me. I appreciate you!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Things are looking up...or down actually! I lost 2 pounds this week. I hope I can keep going in the right direction. Thanks for your encouragement!

PS...Judy Smith, would you please email me at hollysteffensrud@yahoo.com and give me your email address! I don't have it and I want to email you, friend! Thanks!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, I actually did do more to TRY this past week. I made a decision to lay off french fries as much as possible. I am quite addicted to them it seems. But, I did well, only having them one time this week. I had hoped, given the fact that I have been having them much more than one time, that it would make some huge difference. The positive results didn't show up on the scale...still the same. No better, no worse.

But, my mindset was better this week. It seems like I've had more of a "can do" attitude...a "will do" attitude in fact. So, that's great. Oh yes, and I should tell you that someone said, "Hey I can tell you're losing some weight. I see it around your eyes." Just what ya want to hear, right? "Those sure are some slender EYES you have!" What the heck? Well, I guess I should be happy with the compliment. Hmmmm.

Trudging on...

TRY!

Webster's defines the word TRY in its verb form as....1. to attempt to do or accomplish as in "HOW ABOUT I TRY TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!"
So, it's Tuesday. I haven't been TRYING at all this week...even slept in several mornings instead of doing my usual gym routine.
But this morning, I think I'm actually going to give this a new TRY. Please pray for continued motivation...determination...all the good stuff I need to DO THIS! Your encouragement is a lifeline to me! Thank you!!!! Can't thank you enough!

Weigh-In Wednesday

No change...either up or down. I'm discouraged. And it's not the discouraged you feel when you've tried so hard and see no results. It's the discouragement that comes from NOT WANTING to do what's required to meet the goal. That's probably not altogether true of me because on many levels, I do want to and I know I can. But, I struggle so hard to be committed to this task. It's like the switched that needs to be flipped is stuck in the middle. I'm on the fence.

For a long time I looked at and studied the psychology of this overeating "issue". And while I became really annoyed by the "psyco-babble" of it all, I know that one thing is true. This is an issue of CONTROL. For some reason, I need to feel "in control" of something. And I am the one that controls what goes in my mouth. I know that throughout my life there have been many things that I had no control over. But this has always been one thing that I could control, and I guess there's some comfort in that. The problem, of course, is that I'm also the only one who can CHANGE it. I was sharing with a friend last night that I just keep waiting for someone to show up and fix this for me. I don't literally think that will happen, but I live as though I do.

My dad is someone that also struggles deeply with this issue, although he does not acknowledge it. He acts as though nothing is wrong. He continues to abuse his body with food, and now the effects seem irreversible. He's in his 60's and in TERRIBLE physical shape, and I know he's miserable. And I also know that if I don't turn myself around, I'm looking at a lifetime of struggle. Now why that doesn't SCARE me into action, I don't know. I'm just so stuck in "living for the moment". I want WHATEVER I want WHEN I want it. And I know that some of you have probably tuned out by now because you're annoyed that I won't just "get with it". Honestly, I think I would have tuned out by now if I were on your end of this because I have very little patience with other people who stay stuck in their own misery. Ironic huh?

Well, if you're praying for me I would ask that you pray for the following things:
1. Pray that my desire to change things would be bigger than my desire for momentary satisfaction.
2. Pray that I will listen to the little voice within me that tries so hard to steer me the other direction when I'm about to make poor choices regarding food.

Thank you, dear friends. I know many of you (unlike me) are patient and long-suffering. Somehow, you manage to stick by me week after week as I choose to stay stuck. Well, I hope that I make the choice to NOT BE STUCK ANYMORE very soon. I love you for being by my side. Thank you!

So weak...

So, I got this idea to try changing ONE thing I like to eat that's bad for me. The plan was not to give that food up altogether, but just to be "on a break" with it for a little while. So, I chose french fries. I love french fries. They are part of several of my favorite meals. I made this decision last Thursday. Don't even ask me how many times I've had french fries since Thursday. It's like my rebellious nature caught wind that I might actually be up to something that would HELP me. Uggggg.

Weigh-In Wednesday

So, I'm starting to get bored of losing a pound and gaining a pound...losing, gaining, staying in the same place. Maybe if I actually tried to lose weight, I would lose it. That's right folks, I'm not really trying. Oops. I mean yes, I am making it to they gym at 5:30 am 5 days a week. And I'm not drinking regular coke on a regular basis (a splash here and there). But like I said in my first post, I want to eat less and move more. Well, I've got the move more part down. The eating less...not so much. And contrary to my past experiences of attempted weight loss, the WHAT I eat seems to be much more of a problem than the HOW MUCH. By that I mean that I'm struggling to eat the right things most every day.

How did I do this week? Well, I lost a pound. And that's great. Would rather lose one than gain one. But would really rather know that my head AND my heart are in this, and I just can't tell you that they honestly are right now. I'm hoping to muster up some more motivation for this next week. For those who are sticking by for this less than eventful journey (up to this point), thank you!

Weigh-In Wednesday aka "Ooops, I did it again..."

Yeah, I went to New York City and it was a total gluttony fest. Do you want the bad news or the good news first? The good news is that I didn't gain ALL 6 pounds that I had lost back. The bad news is that I did gain 2 of them back. Hey look, I'm back at 221 AGAIN. Are you starting to think that I'm NEVER going to get past the first 6 pounds because I'm starting to think so! I will say, though, that 2 pounds is pretty gracious given that I ate SO MUCH AMAZING food for FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT!!! I guess all of the walking in NYC does pay off. It wasn't quite enough to overcome the Magnolia Bakery cupcakes I'm afraid. But who cares! Those are the best cupcakes KNOWN to humankind, and I got to eat them...several of them...yes, I said several. We had the best trip ever, and if I had to have a setback, I'll take it!

The trick now is getting back on the wagon! I hate the wagon. And I hate getting back on it. But, I did drag myself to the gym this morning. I did not, however, eat well AT ALL today. I think I thought I was still in New York. Tomorrow is a new day, though. And I have decided that I'm going to TRY HARDER and DO BETTER.

For those of you who are still with me on this journey, thank you!! I know it's getting pretty annoying watching me gain and lose the same pound for weeks in a row with no real movement forward. What you need to know is that I am in a battle with my will, and that is such a tough one to win. I am strong-willed! And I want my way. Most all of the time. What a big baby I am.

Tomorrow, I'm going to deny myself something that I want. I don't know what it will be yet because I'm not there in that moment when the thing (whatever it may be) comes whispering my name, pleading, begging for me to eat it! I'm not going to. I'll let you know how this turns out. I know you're probably thinking this sounds completely ridiculous. But if you think about it long enough, I'm sure you can come up with something in your own life that you struggle to say NO to...mine just happens to be a stupid Hostess cupcake that I don't even want. Yes, I ate a Hostess cupcake today trying to fill my desire for another one of those dang Magnolia Bakery cupcakes. It did not measure up. It just called to me, and I answered because that's what I do. Because that's what I've always done. And this my friends is where the CHANGE has to occur. And it feels like an uphill battle ALL THE FREAKIN' WAY!!! Because it is. But I will succeed. I have to. I've got life to live and new clothes to wear and airplane seats to fit more comfortably into! :) Don't give up on me. More importantly, pray that I don't give up on myself! Thanks...

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

Well, at least I can report that I'm moving in the right direction again! I lost the pound I gained two weeks ago, putting me back at 219. Folks, I know this is a slow, slow process. I sort of envisioned that I would get started and weight would just fall off. Here we are 7 weeks in and only 6 pounds down. But it occurred to me this week that there is no END in sight. This is a lifestyle change. This is a process of learning new behaviors and sticking to them. So, I guess I can't rush the process. And let's face it...had I not started this process, I'd most likely be 6 pounds HEAVIER right now!!

I am very pleased to tell you that I was able to buy a size smaller jeans this week. I suppose my 5am workouts are paying off, even if it's not showing so much in the numbers on the scale! I suppose given a choice, I would rather see it in the way my clothes fit than in numbers on a scale!

As always, I thank you for your support, prayers, emails during the week, etc. I couldn't ask for a better group of cheer-leaders!

We are headed to New York City this weekend to attend my sweet friend, Leighanne's, wedding. It should be a great time...lots of walking, but also lots of good food. Hopefully the walking will overpower the food!!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, Shamu is in town again. I did, however, go ahead and weigh. I know, I know...I said I wasn't gonna. And I still reserve the right to NOT if I don't wanna. But, I just felt sort of light and airy all the sudden...not too bloated. So, I jumped on a gave it a whirl! I was happy to see that I had stayed the same. Still right at 220. Hopefully, we'll see a good lose next week! Love you all for thinking of me and checking in on me! Thanks!!!

THANKS

Thank you friends for your uplifting encouragement! It's so helpful to me to realize that I'm not in this alone! Your words have been such a helpful motivator to me, and I thank you for "rooting for me"!

Weigh-In Wednesday...ugggg

Well, my pastor used to say something that really stuck with me. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." In other words...change begets change. And I guess I just have to face some facts today. If I always eat whatever I want, I'm never going to reach my goal. If I do not learn discipline, I will never change on the inside, much less the outside.

So, you're asking yourself, "Well, how much did the girl gain? 50 pounds?" No, friend, it was just ONE pound. But, I wanna tell you what this one pound represents to me. This pound is a sign to me that I need to GROW THE HECK UP. You know what? I don't want to watch what I eat. I want to eat french fries about 4 times a week and not reap any consequences. Well, I bet you like the sound of that too? Don't we all. The problem is, on some level, I've convinced myself that I can do that...and still get healthy. And it just doesn't work that way does it?

I've wanted to believe that I'd go on this journey...lose the weight...and not really ever have to face the facts about what's going on inside of me. It would be great if ALL I had to tackle here was pounds. But unfortunately, I'm tackling something WAY heavier than that. I'm wrestling with an attitude...a state of mind that has kept me trapped in the fat. And along with finding my way to a healthier weight, I have to find my way to a new way of thinking.

So, is one pound the end of the world? No, it's not. Let's face it, I could smell a cupcake and gain one pound at any given moment. At the same time, I could sneeze and lose one pound. I just figured I'd better be honest with myself and say out loud what we all know to be true...TRUE CHANGE OCCURS FROM THE INSIDE OUT. I will never acheive true, lasting change until I accept the fact that there will be have to be sacrifices on my part.

Help!!!!!!!!!!

 

Calling all cars, calling all cars! There is an assault in progress. It looks like there's a blonde woman about to attack a poor, defenseless chocolate cake. This is the same woman that is trying so hard to lose weight...guess she might need some encouragement. Or, she might need to be put in jail.

Hi Friends,
Well there's not ACTUALLY a chocolate cake about to be assaulted. The above scenario is just a little description of my current state of mind. I'm not focused. If a chocolate cake were to present itself to me right now...I'm not gonna lie, I'd partake...ALOT! Just wanted to ask you all to please say a prayer for me or send an encouraging word to boost my attitude. Somehow, I seem to think that 6 pounds down is the same as 60, and that suddenly I'm done! This is NOT the case...sadly. I've got a long way to go and there's alot of work to do! I need a continuation of the determination that has been so strong up to now. I'd appreciate your help! :) Thanks!

Weigh-In Wednesday

No better...but no worse! I stayed exactly the same (219), which I will count a success given my not so excellent food choices this week (see Tattle-tale Tuesday below). Let's see if by NOT eating pizza, movie candy AND ice cream, I can take more off this next week! :) Stay tuned...

PS: There's a size 16 black dress in my closet that I would love to be able to get into for a wedding at the end of this month. Not sure if it can happen, but I'm certainly going to give it a good try!

Tattle-Tale Tuesday

That's right...time to tattle on myself. As we all know, the road to any goal is full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Well, tonight might have been a bit of a low. There I was, cooking what was going to be a healthy chicken taco recipe. Chicken prepared...check. And that's as far as I got. All of the sudden, I decided that I was just incredibly too tired to complete the cooking of this meal. So what did I do? Called Doug to help finish it? Well no. Took a rest and came back to it? No again. Told Doug that we were going to Cici's for pizza? You got it. The only redeeming moment of this story is that we walked to Cici's from our house. Yeah, I know, not so redeeming.

Besides this momentary breakdown (as well as one with an ice cream cone and some movie candy), I've done pretty well this week. Now, the scales may not be kind to me tomorrow due to a few of my choices this week. But, we'll see. I have continued my workouts and with added intensity! I am so thankful to actually feel like I'm working out hard again! It's taken me awhile to get back to that place due to my sciatic nerve problems. My spirits remain high and I continue to feel very motivated.

Over the weekend, I was looking through my closets (yes, I said CLOSETS) at my Mom's house. There are three to be exact...full of clothes from my smaller days! It was wonderful motivation to see those clothes again. It was like seeing an old friend! I can't wait to hang out with them again, and that gives me the desire I need to keep going.
Thanks for your continued support, prayers and encouragement. I don't know how anyone does this without the help and support of the people around them. Talk to you tomorrow!

Some pictures that we took last week...
 
 
I think I've decided to post new pictures with every 10 pounds lost. So, when I finally get to 10 pounds down, I'll post some more.

Weigh-In Wednesday

Unlike the Jeffersons...I am movin' on down folks! I'm happy to report to you that I weighed in at 219 this morning...for a total of 6 POUNDS OFF! Yay! It's been a good week! Once I finally got rid of Shamu, I felt much better and continued to eat less and move more! There was a small run-in with some Rice Krispie treats. I made them for a church event, and somehow made it home with the leftovers! Bad idea! Once I took care of those (and I don't mean that I trashed them unfortunately...I was back on track. Sorry I have not been posting pictures so far. I keep forgetting that I need to have Doug take my picture! I'll try to get on that for next week. Thanks again for your continued support! It makes such a difference in my outlook and attitude on this journey!

"Shamu"...aka My Monthly Visitor

So I feel like Shamu the killer whale today. My monthly visitor has arrived and is in full attack mode! I say Shamu the whale because I am so incredibly BLOATED. I looked like a hippo zipped up in an envelope in the pants that I wore today...the ones that just last week were fitting LOOSELY! The killer whale part comes in too because I have been unusually GRUMPY. You know that kind of grumpy where you're annoying to yourself, but you just can't stop! I think my husband was about ready to turn me in for a new model yesterday.

Why, you might ask, do I feel the need to tell you about my menstral woes? Well friends, it's because I want to notify you that I have decided to reserve one week of the month that I do not have to post my weight on here. I get discouraged pretty easily, and to see a gain that I know is just due to getting "Sham-oooed" is going to put me in the dumps. So, I'm just not gonna get on the scale when I have "the visitor".

I will tell you, though, that I have had a very good week. I have made it to the gym each day (except for Sunday) since my last weigh-in. I have been cooking our meals at home for the most part and have have not had any REAL Coke. So, it's possible that I could jump on the scale in the morning and see a good result. But given the fact that my bra almost snapped off its hinges today while I was working out, I'm pretty sure there's been a gain.

I do want you all to know, though, that this will be my only excuse. In the beginning, I promised to post my weight whether good or bad. And on normal weeks (normal meaning the weeks when I could NOT double as a flotation device), I will post! Promise! Even when there's a gain...which there will be. But, at this point to see a gain due to period bloating will not be helpful to me at all.

Thanks for your continued encouragement! I love it! I need it! So please keep it coming!!!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Well folks, the work has paid off this week! This morning, I am at 221...for a total of 4 pounds lost. Unfortunately, I'll have to post a picture later on today because Doug already left for work. But, I didn't want to leave you all in suspense until tonight! Thanks so much for the encouragement you've given to me throughout the week via email! It helps me SO MUCH!!!!