Hanging on...

I'm still here and still working!  I have to admit I've been a bit lax during Christmas, but I'm reeling it back it.  I haven't gained any, but I haven't lost any either.  So, I've gotta go back to the basics!!!  Thanks for your continued prayers and well wishes.

TWENTY POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right...I'm twenty pounds down! How wonderful and excellent to see 210 pounds rather than 230!!!!
I'm amazed and astonished and so incredibly relieved that I'm on the right track...and during the holidays no less!
Happy...

Survival and enjoyment!

So happy to be able to report to you that while I did very much enjoy all Thanksgiving foods, I DID NOT lose total control! Well, there for a couple of days I put the control on the back burner, but only to move it right back up to the front burner when all the festivities were over.

This is a major blessing and also has to be a miracle of God! My typical MO is to EAT my way through Thanksgiving, right into Christmas and hey...why not just top off the New Year with a few hundred calories extra as well?! NOT THIS YEAR!!!

I will definitely enjoy my favorite foods and will not deny myself of that pleasure. But, I will not treat every day of this month as a holiday! A friend and I attended a Weight Watchers meeting a few years back around the holidays. The leader said something along the lines of, "How about celebrating the holidays WITHOUT food?!" I'm pretty sure people laughed out loud at her. What a ridiculous idea that is! That is definitely NOT my plan!!

Food is a wonderful thing...a blessing...a source of energy...and something most people really enjoy! My problem is not FOOD. My problem is using food to numb feelings that I don't want to feel...anger, sadness, boredom, you name it! So, it will never be my goal to learn how to manage food. It will be my goal to manage feelings and to learn better ways of coping so that I don't EVER AGAIN revisit the "fat rack" in my closet once I finally get away from it this time.

I'm not planning to weigh until Monday, so I will let you know how I've done since my last weigh in...

Until then, here's to good food!! After all...it's not the enemy.

Thanks for your continued encouragement and prayers!

A Thanksgiving Blessing

I was reading over some of my blog posts from the past, and I came across an entry from last year around Thanksgiving. Since tomorrow, we will be attending our first of several Thanksgiving festivities ("Steffens-Gobble", which is our annual early T-giving with Doug's extended family), I felt this was an appropriate blessing to share...

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump
May your potatoes and gravy
have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay OFF of your thighs!!!!
-Author Unknown

My sweet friend, Sydney, gave me a very good suggestion for maintaining some control at the gluttony fest that is also known as Thanksgiving. She suggested using a salad plate rather than a full-size dinner plate for the meal. Fill that plate with a little bit of everything (of course, not stacking it 2 feet high with food) and do this only ONCE. Then, be DONE!

That's my plan for tomorrow, and for future holiday meals. I'll let you know how it works out for me!

Two Words...

FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!!!

And a goal...

This is a dress that I have had, but never got to wear. It still has the tags on it because I bought it at the end of the season at Ann Taylor, planning to wear it the next year. But, then the next year came and I had grown about 3 sizes bigger than this dress! Oops.

It's a size 12...
Getting there by April 4th will be a task, but I can certainly TRY!!!

Three words...

I'M DOING IT!!! Well, let's make that four words...I'm FINALLY doing it!! If I believed in "jinxing", I'd say I can't talk about it because I don't want to "jinx" myself. But, I don't...so I will. Talk about it, that is.

About a month ago, I felt as though my mind turn a corner. That's the only way I can describe it. I felt MENTALLY prepared to DO THIS...once and for all (please Lord, let it be once and for all!) I was at the library one day and checked out Dr. Nancy Snyderman's book, Diet Myths that Keep Us Fat. She is the medical correspondant for the Today Show. She is in wonderful shape now, but used to be very out of shape. I began reading this book, and before I knew it, I was starting to follow a "plan". There's nothing earth-shattering in her book. It's nothing that I hadn't heard before. But apparently, I heard it again at just the right moment.

Today, I am 10 pounds lighter. I am amazed at HOW MUCH BETTER I feel with just 10 pounds off. I'm already sleeping better. My clothes are getting looser. And I'm happy with the knowledge and confidence that I CAN DO THIS.
I'll keep you posted...

Going Private

I can't say the word "private" without thinking about how my husband calls the movie, Saving Private Ryan , by the WRONG name. He calls it Saving Ryan's Privates. Anyway, I'm going private here. And honestly, I don't know if I'm really starting this blog up again or not. In the event that I do, though, I wanted you all who have been so faithful to read and encourage me in the past to still be able to do that! :) So, keep your eyes open. I might just write something! I know you're waiting on pins and needles. Ha.

I've heard from several folks who were wondering about this blog. I'm sort of wondering about this blog too. As you can see, I've taken quite a break from posting. I'm having some "stirrings" in my soul that lead me to think I might be getting ready to start back again. But I just don't know. I'm fearful of failing, but the truth is that failure is only happening if I'm not trying at all. Please say a prayer for me...that I would be willing to get back on the horse and keep going down this path. I need willingness, determination and perseverance! I'm so tired of being overweight...so tired.

Looking up....

Just wanted to update and say that I made it to the gym this morning for the first time in I don't know how long...a while! It's so easy to get out of the habit. I was reading something talking about forming habits. The guy was saying that rather than trying to keep up with which day you did something, you should just do it EVERY DAY. He was speaking of many things like reading the Bible, exercising, watching your food, etc. I can see how this might be valuable to me if I could just learn how to do a little bit EVERY DAY towards my overall goal. Don't know why it's so incredibly hard for me. I guess it's not just me. It's hard for everyone. And I know I just have to buck up and MAKE GOOD CHOICES!! It's just like how my sister has to tell my little 4 year-old nephew, "Make good choices!" Great...I'm still like a 4year-old!

Yes, I'm still here. No, I'm not in good spirits.

Yes, I'm still here. No, I didn't weigh in. No, I didn't do well this week. Yes, it's my dreaded "time of the month". No, this didn't have much bearing on my decision to weigh or not to weigh. Yes, I'm feeling like my head is not in the game. Yes, I wonder if I'm ever going to lose this stupid weight. Yes, I still wonder when someone else is going to somehow come and take care of it for me. Yes, I still wonder if it's possible to eat what I want, not workout and still lose weight. Yes, I know the answer to that question is NO!!! Yes, I'll get back on the wagon. When? I don't know. But, I will because I have to.

Weigh-In Wednesday...Come back wagon, I fell off!!

I weighed on Wednesday, but then forgot to post. Probably because I wasn't too excited about the report. I did lose one pound, and yes, that is a loss! And yes, I am grateful to at least be moving in the right direction. I guess I just expected more after having done so well and not seeing (hardly) any results last week. But, I know this is gonna be slow.

I've done pretty well with the no-cokes. In fact, I hung in there strong until last night. Went out to celebrate my husband's B-day. I drank water at dinner. But then we went bowling, and they brought a whole pitcher of Pepsi to our table. I got hot and thirsty, and I just couldn't resist. Oh yeah, and I also had just eaten a big hunk of chocolate cake, which made me thirsty! The sad part was, it (the Pepsi) didn't even taste good. That's probably good, though, because hopefully I won't be sucked in again like that! So, I'm back on track today.

We have started the process of moving this past week. We've been doing a ton of lifting, dragging, painting, cleaning, etc. So even though I didn't hardly make it to the gym, I definitely still exercised!!

Oh yeah, and I wanted to report on the lab work that I had done last week. It came back excellent actually! But, I was later informed that you can be the tiniest person in the world and still have horrible cholesterol. So, it's not much related to weight. But, I'm thankful that even though I am overweight, I do have great cholesterol...one less battle to fight, right?!

We'll see what this next week holds...
Thanks for hanging in her with me!

Weigh-In Wednesday

My first thought when I stepped on the scale this morning and it read only a few ounces less than 225 was, "WHAT THE HECK!!!" I mean, really? I've been going to the gym AND I've not had one single coke, regular or diet. So what's the deal?

This leads to my second thought...there have been several days now when I thought, "Well, I'm not having cokes and I'm going to the gym, so maybe this little cookie (pizza, bread, etc.) won't hurt." Not so much! So are we saying that I'm going to have to stop cokes, go to the gym AND watch what I eat to lose weight? What a pain in the butt!

Well, I've two of those three things down. The no cokes has been way harder than I thought...not because I've been craving them so badly, but because of the BAD headaches! I've been surprised by that because I didn't think I was that reliant on Cokes. Guess that wasn't the case, huh? Thankfully, the headaches have stopped. I'm having a little iced-tea which helps with that. And yes, I am making it to the gym and working out pretty hard.

Surely next week, I'll see a loss? Especially if I do a little better saying "NO" to all the other things that I want to fill the place of Cokes. There's just nothing easy about this...uphill battle all the way.

I went to the doctor this morning for my "annual" and had some labwork done. When I get the results of my cholesterol, etc., I'll post it on here because I want to be able to compare it next year and see if it's better. That will be fun! Gotta look for the fun in this somehow, right?

Also measurements! I've gotta take my measurements so I can keep track of them as well. Will try and do that soon! Thanks for your continued support and encouragement. I'm feeling pretty good. Not too discouraged about the lack of weightloss because I know I'm moving in the right direction and a few more little changes will show results on the scale and in the clothes! Keepin on keepin on!

Weigh-In Wednesday...aka A Christmas Miracle

It truly is a miracle, everyone! I weigh 225 today. Yes, that is the same that I started at 20+ weeks ago, but if you knew all the "fun" that I ate during the holidays, you would realize that it's nothing short of amazing that I didn't gain like 10 pounds. That is what I was expecting when I went to face the scale this morning for the first time in ages. I think God just knew that if there was any further discouragement, I might not be able to recover from it and turn myself around! So, today I am THRILLED with 225. Thrilled. There's a sentence I never thought I'd say!

I'm doing well this week so far. Amazingly, my heart does still beat even without Cokes! I really thought they were a lifeline! I have had a couple of headaches, but nothing too terrible. We've bought stock in Crystal Light. Doug is doing well too because they make fresh tea at his office each morning, and they they have an excellent ice machine! So, we're surviving!

Didn't make it to the gym this morning, but will go this afternoon. Cooking dinner tonight, and making lunches for tomorrow...so we're getting into a good little pattern here.

Thanks for all of the love, support and encouragement! It means so much to me, and is such an incredible help to my journey. Love you all...

Okay, let's give this another go...

So it seems that the process of weightloss and lifestyle change is a rollercoaster...not exactly the fast-track that I had hoped for. I have spent the last few weeks having a pity-party over the fact that I've made no progress at all and that I've had no desire to remedy that.

Well, the pity-party is over. And hopefully the other party that has included me indulging myself and continuing to walk the wayward path is also over. I've never been much for New Year's Resolutions. It seems sort of silly to me that we pick one day to say we're suddenly going to make all of these changes in our lives. But, I decided to take it for what it is...an opportunity to REFOCUS my mind! We humans are all about new-beginnings and second chances (and third and fourth and twenty-fifth chances), and I'm definitely human!

So, I did make a resolution that hopefully will jumpstart my progress in losing weight. As of today (yes, I know...it's the 5th...we needed to flounder a little longer) Doug and I have both given up Cokes. He is so sweet to do this with me. When I asked if he'd be interested in giving them up, his response was, "Well, I don't see how it will be possible for you to quit them if I'm drinking them all the time...so yes, I'll do it." It should be noted that while he is sweet, this will be a very good change for him too! It seems that he's gotten a little more round in the middle, which I know drives him crazy, so this will be good!

Now when I say Cokes, I don't mean that it's okay for us to drink a Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. Here in Texas, we call everything Coke...so no Cokes...period. This includes Diet Cokes because it sounds to me like they're holding us back just as much as regular Coke. Now to some, this sounds like no big deal. To me (and to Doug) this will be more like losing a limb. I have heard, though, that making this change can truly help the process. So, we're doing it. We're not "trying" it. We're doing it...quitting Cokes I mean! :)

I also returned to the gym this morning for the early workout...walked for an hour. Sort of felt like I was going to die at first, but once I got into it, and especially when I was finished, I felt better. My plan is to do this at the very least, four days a week, but I know to really lose weight, it will probably have to be more like 5-6 days a week. I'm just focusing on today for now though. And I did it today! :)

I'm still really not sure what needs to happen in the way of food. Early on, you know I took the position that I wasn't going to be "dieting", and I'm still not. I know for a fact that I don't do well on plans like Weight Watchers. I don't have a problem with snacking or eating between meals at all. I've targeted the main problems with my eating as follows: #1 My portions are WAY TO BIG, #2 I eat out WAY TOO MUCH, #3 I hardly ever get fruits and veggies into my diet, just to name a few.
So, I've devised a grocery list and a plan for meals to cook at home this week. I think if I can just get myself into a pattern or eating at home, and seeing restaurants as a special treat rather than a way of life, I (we) would do so much better.

So, there you have it...a plan. Now, if I can just follow it! :)

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh!

Still here. Didn't quit...exactly. However, I have not worked out in days, and I'm pretty sure that I'm working on an extra layer of "warmth" this holiday season. Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!
I wish I could explain how terribly terrible this is! I totally agree with my Mom when she tells me how much worse it could be. I could have problems so much worse than being overweight. So, please know that I have not lost sight of that truth. However, uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!
In the very paraphrased words of the apostle Paul, "What I do, I don't want to do, and what I want to do, I don't do." I wonder if Paul had a weight problem. You know, they never really do tell us what that "thorn in his flesh" was. I think he might have been fat. Just a guess. I so relate with that guy. What I do (eat too much), I really don't ultimately want to do. And what I want to do (get with the program and get the weight off), I don't do. Again I say,
Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!! I just can't seem to get ahold of myself. And it's terrible. And you want to know what the worst part of it is? NOBODY besides ME can do this for me!!! Why is that such a hard concept for me to accept? I just don't know. So, I don't know what to say. I'm not gonna weigh in because I just can't face it right now. I can't. I'm sorry. And I know it would make sense to weigh and see the damage, and get back on the wagon, or whatever. But I just can't do it today. Maybe tomorrow. Just wanted you to know that I'm still here...and even though more energy is going into worrying about the problem than facing and dealing with the problem...I'm still willing to put myself out there. So hopefully that means I'm still not a quitter?

Starting Over Folks...

Yes, I know it's Thursday. Just couldn't face it yesterday. So today I faced the music. Sad to report that I'm back where I started. Gained 2 this week, putting me back at 225. Feeling like a failure? Yes. Ready to quit? Yes. Gonna quit? HECK NO! I'm starting over. Have made it back to the gym this week which is good. Just gotta get back on the horse...
I have a friend online who is a wonderful inspiration to me! She has lost 47 lbs. Hope that's right Melisa...got that number off your blog. Anyway, she's done AMAZINGLY well and I'm so impressed and proud of her. On her blog, she wrote about a new motivator...having her husband be able to pick her up again! I LOVE THIS! I want Doug to be able to pick me up without hurting himself. And I want to feel good about sitting down on his lap/knee. Right now, I'm afraid it might result in a need for surgery!
Anyway, thank you dear friends for your constant support and encouragement. I will say that this is absolutely the worst time of the year to try to lose weight. But if I'm honest...there's NEVER a good time of year for it! Because no matter what, it involves sacrifice...whether it's the sacrifice of Thanksgiving stuffing, Christmas candy, July 4th hotdogs, etc...There's never an easy time. But, as my Mom says, it could be so much worse! I could have a health condition that I had no control over and no ability to change. So, I guess I need to be thankful that at this point, I do have the ability to change this. And I WILL!!!

A Thanksgiving Blessing

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

Truth Telling

I just wrote a whole post explaining to you all that I'm "taking a break" from the blog. When I reread it, only one word came to mind...COWARD. I just didn't want to have to tell you all that I gained...5...pounds. So, rather than telling you that, I wrote a post explaining how "I need time to think" and how "It's just too much pressure having to share it with the world." Well NO! I started this, and I promised to post and keep going EVEN WHEN the going got SUCKY. Well, it's sucky alright! But it's only sucky because I haven't even been TRYING. I just let life get the best of me. So my Mom hasn't been available to work out in the mornings with me? Well, I guess that means I get to QUIT! What????? No. I am alot of things, but I'm no quitter. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm not gonna quit. I'll tell you that much. So, please keep pulling for me and praying for me! I gotta do this...I HAVE TO!

Weigh-In Wednesday...a little delayed

I'm still here folks! This week just got so nutty with the arrival of my new niece, Chloe, that I completely forgot to post on Wednesday. Of course, I was only going to be posting with one word anyway...Shamu. And in the mooeyist (is that a word?) kind of way! So, I'll catch up with ya next week when I hopefully will have continued on the path DOWN the scale, rather than UP it! :) Thanks to those of you who are still hanging in here with me. I appreciate you!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Things are looking up...or down actually! I lost 2 pounds this week. I hope I can keep going in the right direction. Thanks for your encouragement!

PS...Judy Smith, would you please email me at hollysteffensrud@yahoo.com and give me your email address! I don't have it and I want to email you, friend! Thanks!